By:Timothy Cole The loss of trust is a very painful experience. It often involves a lot of hurt, confusion, anger, and sadness. Dealing with these emotions is critical when trying to rebuild trust. When upset, we want our partners to understand our point of view - to understand our feelings and emotions. Understanding how we feel is important because it helps us deal with our negative feelings and move beyond them. If a partner does not take the time to make us feel understood - we try to get even - we try to make our partners feel as bad as we do. Even though it sounds childish, when someone does not understand our hurt or pain - we try to make them feel what we are feeling (this is often an unconscious response). Not feeling understood, often leads to a game of inflicting mutual hurt. In most cases, partners do not take the time to make us feel understood because they do not know how to do it OR because they get defensive (feel under attack). When accused of wrongdoing, people often try to... * apologize * offer excuses and explanations * withdraw * or even attack back... These strategies do NOT work because they fail to create real understanding. Simply put, people need to feel understood before apologies are offered and explanations are given. It is virtually impossible to rebuild trust until people who have been harmed feel understood. So, when trying to build or repair trust - it helps to see the situation from a partner's point of view. Try to understand why the other person is so upset - directly acknowledge his or her feelings ("you are angry, hurt, confused") and his or her interpretation of the situation ("and, you have every right to be upset, because what I did was wrong.") You basically have to agree that the other person's feelings are legitimate and fair - let the other person know that you get it. If you can do this, trust is going to be much easier to regain. If you can make someone feel understood when they are upset, they are more likely to... * calm down * forgive you * feel closer * listen to your side of the story... If you don't take the time to understand your partner's feelings, rebuilding trust is much more difficult to do. But, once you make a partner feel understood, it becomes possible to offer an effective apology. The loss of trust is a very painful experience. It often involves a lot of hurt, confusion, anger, and sadness. Dealing with these emotions is critical when trying to rebuild trust. When upset, we want our partners to understand our point of view - to understand our feelings and emotions. Understanding how we feel is important because it helps us deal with our negative feelings and move beyond them. If a partner does not take the time to make us feel understood - we try to get even - we try to make our partners feel as bad as we do. Even though it sounds childish, when someone does not understand our hurt or pain - we try to make them feel what we are feeling (this is often an unconscious response). Not feeling understood, often leads to a game of inflicting mutual hurt. In most cases, partners do not take the time to make us feel understood because they do not know how to do it OR because they get defensive (feel under attack). When accused of wrongdoing, people often try to... * apologize * offer excuses and explanations * withdraw * or even attack back... These strategies do NOT work because they fail to create real understanding. Simply put, people need to feel understood before apologies are offered and explanations are given. It is virtually impossible to rebuild trust until people who have been harmed feel understood. So, when trying to build or repair trust - it helps to see the situation from a partner's point of view. Try to understand why the other person is so upset - directly acknowledge his or her feelings ("you are angry, hurt, confused") and his or her interpretation of the situation ("and, you have every right to be upset, because what I did was wrong.") You basically have to agree that the other person's feelings are legitimate and fair - let the other person know that you get it. If you can do this, trust is going to be much easier to regain. If you can make someone feel understood when they are upset, they are more likely to... * calm down * forgive you * feel closer * listen to your side of the story... If you don't take the time to understand your partner's feelings, rebuilding trust is much more difficult to do. But, once you make a partner feel understood, it becomes possible to offer an effective apology. Article Source: http://www.redsofts.com/articles/ Timothy Cole, PhD. If you want to learn more about how to rebuild trust in a close relationship, please visit How to Rebuild Trust. More Articles from Relationships Category: Getting over the Green Devil through Hypnotherapy for Jealousy Hypnotherapy for Relationships – Improving the Quality of life Simple Things You Can Do To Put The Spark Back In Your Relationship Separating Love From Lust If You Want To Rekindle The Passion In Your Relationship Try These Things Now Know If Someone Is Interested In You Immediately By Reading Their Body Language Incredibly Nice Things You Can Do To Get On Her Good Side Heat Up Your Relationship With A Romantic Weekend Adventure What ‘Makes’ A Relationship For You - And How Hypnosis Will Help You Get It A Few Simple Things You Can Do To Rekindle A Relationship Build Excellent Lifetime Relationships! Some Helpful Hints For a More Exciting Relationship What is Love? Part 4 of 5 What is Love ? Part 1 of 5 What is Love? Part 5 of 5

Soft Categories
Audio & Mp3   Business & Finance   Desktop Enhancements   Games   Home & Education   Internet   Multimedia & Design   Security & Privacy   Software Development   System Utilities   Web Development