61). Diary Complaints By : John Sammon
My wife keeps a diary, and sometimes leaves it open with the last entry in view on the coffee table. I'm a person who wouldn't want to read another person's diary, even my wife's, diaries being personal. But out of a corner of my eye, on the diary page, I saw my name. I couldn't help reading.
"I can't let John's negativity get to me," ...
62). Hispanic Immigrants Demonstrate; "Illegal" Not In Spanish Dictionary By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Hispanic immigrants demonstrated by the thousands about what they claim is their right to become citizens of the land of the gringo.
While we welcome the effort of everyone who wishes to become a citizen of our free and frazzled nation, we did note that there appeared to be no distinction made between immigrants who reside here in plac...
63). Good News for Goofballs By : Charlie Hatton
I've found that there's a gap in the set of self-help and how-to books available. Sure, there are books to improve your outlook, and boost your self-esteem. If you want to learn to cook, or start a business, or patent your idea for self-buttering waffles, there are books to help you. And if you happen to be a dummy -- well, there are entire shelves...
64). Trout Season Opens: Fishermen Wade In, Trout Leap Out By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Trout season opened once again on or about April 15th, which is about as early as winter’s icy topping breaks up and floats away from our waterways.
This year, as every year, fishermen by the thousands celebrated the occasion by wading in streams, creeks, and brooks to seek the wily residents. Feeling crowded by all the booted legs, th...
65). The Illogical Puppet Of Iran: Any Chance Of Getting The Little Guy A Better Script? By : Tom AtteaNewsLaugh.com
First, we learned to say and spell the puppet’s name: Armadinejad. Not exactly Smith. Then we watched him perform upon a crafty mullah’s knee. We have been patient, like any fair-minded audience, but the more we listen, the more we realize that the puppet has a script that just doesn’t make sense.
He raises one hand and, without the mu...
66). France Attacks Iran: U. S. And Britain Object By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
France, casting aside its usual insistence on diplomacy, even when it’s obvious to every person who happens to be alert that it can’t work, finally grew impatient with Iran’s centrifuge-rattling behavior and launched a unilateral attack on it.
As French mirage jets swooped down on Iran’s nuclear facilities and French troops launched a ...
67). Sun Will Only Burn For 5 Billion More Years; Humans Express Concern By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
We are often reminded that the sun will only shine in a way that can support life way out here on the earth for only about another five billion years. Sensing the eventuality of the cataclysm, we’re easily inclined to express our concern, along with our sympathetic distress for those far-off folks who will be standing on the earth when old Father S...
68). Government Study Shows Decrease In Buying Power Of Dollar; Now Equal To Penny By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
The U. S. Department of Treasury has done a reevaluation of the currency and determined that the buying-power of the dollar bill is now the exact equivalent of what the buying power of a penny once was.
As a result, it appears that the long-endangered penny has finally met its meltdown.
The study also revealed that the fut...
69). The Topless CPA By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Todd, out of town on business and looking for a bit of comfort, knew he was in trouble when the topless dancer he just couldn’t say no to slipped his next twenty into her silver garter, and, with a twinkle in her green eyes, asked, “Would you like to go to the champagne room? It’s more private in there.”
Although this was Todd’s first ...
70). Major Software Innovation: Same Tasks In All Programs Will Be Done With Same Clicks By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Writing software, once a form of individual proclivity, is about to be, at least in its most common functions, daringly standardized.
The innovative initiative has been dubbed "A Uniform Standard For Dumb Simple Tasks."
While the group that has put forward the radical suggestion has no way of enforcing it, widespread adopt...
71). Under A Cuban Moon By : Bill Dollar
HAVANA,May 20 (www.cubanet.org) - Cuban authorities have implemented strict security measures at the embarkation points for the small ferries crossing Havana bay.Now, before boarding, all passengers must go through a metal detector. Newly posted signs warn passengers they can’t carry furniture or birthday cakes…
You know how it is on a...
72). How NOT to handle bad breath By : Kingston Amadan
We've all been there. You round the corner to your cubical ready to start the day's work when you are suddenly accosted by the familiar stench of a co-worker's bad breath.
"Here we go again...", you think. "Another 'H'-filled tirade that won't ever permeate my ears because I'm too busy trying to keep it from permeating my nose."...
73). Bathroom Palacial By : John Sammon
I had to play a joke on the maid at a hotel where I was staying. You know that little paper wrapper they place over the toilet seat, that thin paper band that is supposed to convince you that the facility is clean. You normally take the paper band off and throw it away when you go to use the john. Instead, I saved mine and each morning before leavi...
74). Amazing Trivia Part 1 By : Jan Michaels
I admit it .. I LIKE trivia, tho it serves no purpose for me since I can never remember any to bring up in conversation. But still, it is fun, so I've created this list of amazing trivia that I found to be absolutely riveting.
1. Snails can sleep up to 3 years.
Not so amazing actually since I managed to sleep thru 6 years of jr. ...
75). Russia Defends Iranian Nuke Program; Considers Position Good Customer Service By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
While the civilized world has reacted with horror at Iran’s plan to harness the energy of the atom, as in bombs away, Russia has steadfastly defended the menacing mullahdom’s nuclear ambitions.
At first, any person distinguished for responsible behavior is taken back by such apparently reckless advocacy, not only because it seems wildl...
76). Robin's Rainbow By : Dianne James
When my daughter was very young, one night she was saying her prayers. She paused and asked me, "Mom, if I pray for a rainbow, will God make one?" Well, what could I say? Anyone who can part the Red Sea, can make a rainbow for a six-year-old. I hem-hawed around for a few seconds, and then told her that, yes, if she believed... Then I thought, "What...
77). Timothy Ward's Great Coloring Book Rebirth By : Timothy Ward
I bought a coloring book yesterday from Wal-Mart. I hadn't colored in years and I got the strange urge to out of the blue. I also bought a 24-pack of Crayola crayons. The box says they are non-toxic which is a relief. I just wonder who sells the toxic crayons and how they compare in price to the crayons I bought. Some people may consider having a r...
78). You may be in love if... By : Jan Michaels
One of the most common human experiences that two or more (depending on how ambitious you are) people can share is love. But, it’s not always easy to tell if you are in like, lust or full blown, forever loving. With that in mind, I’ve created this list of signs that you may be crazy in love!
1. If you’ve ever stared deeply into the eye...
79). Songwriter Confessions #2 By : Bill Dollar
Any real Beatle fan knows that Stu Sutcliffe was the original bass player,who died of a brain embolism before the Beatles became famous. But what if it hadn’t been Stu with the deadly weakness, but rather…?
There is very little time left now. The meeting will take place in a matter of hours: an event so significant for future generatio...
80). Misspelled Scriptures By : J Square Humboldt
One way to confirm that cyberspace is the great equalizer is to observe the quality of editing that exists ...
I am truly amazed at the mangling endured by the English language on a significant number of sites. It's fair to assume that this malady has its roots in short attention spans during the school years. As a result, accuracy is ...
81). Medical Researcher Discovers Cause Of Asinine Behavior By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
There you are, talking to someone, who, you assume, is intelligent. Then, quite unexpectedly, he or she says something that makes you realize that, like it or not, you’re talking to an ass.
Now, a researcher believes he has accounted for the sudden turn of events. In an article in the prestigious New England Journal of Medical Hot Flas...
82). Valentine's Day for Dummies By : Charlie Hatton
Saint Valentine's Day rolls around just once a year. And if you've been married as long as I have, your chances for sex don't come much more often. 'There's always next year' is a fine mantra for a Cubs fan or a Libertarian, but not for a lover. So don't miss your amorous opportunity this time around -- heed the following Valentine's ...
83). Baby Boomers Moderate Exercise; Notice Scarcity of Seniors In Marathons By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Baby boomers, who exercise more than any generation before them, have been flocking to orthopedic surgeons to tend to their aching tendons and joints.
As news of the growing need for surgical intervention spread, a number of boomers have found the willpower to moderate the intensity of their workout routines.
Personal expe...
84). Bin Laden Releases Another Audiotape: Hideout Too Dark For Video By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Apparently, unable to contain his enthusiasm for bumming out the relatively nice and unsuspecting folks who make up much of the Western World, the misinformed medievalist has released another drearily threatening audiotape. Since the combined political, military, and intelligence resources of the civilized world cannot locate the potato head, we su...
85). Saddam Hussein Seeks Mcdonald's Francise By : Tom AtteaNewsLaugh.com
Saddam Hussein, in his latest bid to escape execution for crimes against his own people, has applied to McDonald’s for a franchise. The application is widely regarded as a move by his defense team to convince the court that, if his life is spared, he will be a model citizen in the Iraq of the future.
In his application, Hussein states ...
86). The Illogical Puppet Of Iran: Any Chance Of Getting The Little Guy A New Script? By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
First, we learned to say and spell the puppet’s name: Armadinejad. Not exactly Smith. Then we watched him perform upon a crafty mullah’s knee. We have been patient, like any fair-minded audience, but the more we listen, the more we realize that the puppet has a script that just doesn’t make sense.
He raises one hand and, without the mu...
87). Gas Prices Go "Gas-tronomical!" By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Recently, the price of gas has gone up approximately three or four times a day, depending on how energetic the person is who climbs up and changes the prices at your favorite filling station, until the only word for the skyrocketing astonishment is "gas-tronomical!”
President Bush took a bold stance on the issue, saying, ““Americans un...
88). Just Horsing Around By : Deanna Mascle
1. What is the fear of horses called?
A. Hippophobia
B. Riddiophobia
C. Sadlophobia
D. Equiphobia
A. Hippophobia
TBD: Hey, you know we dosn't make this stuff up, right?!?
2. Which is NOT a form of horse racing?
A. Flat racing
B. Harness racing
C. Steeplechasing
D. Hop-s...
89). Chinese Leader Visits U. S. Shops For Sneakers By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Hu Jintao, the leader of China, began his four-day trip to the United States by doing something that made him feel right at home. Landing in Seattle, he was driven immediately to a Footlocker, where he purchased a pair of Nike sneakers. He proudly held them up to the camera, displaying the label on the inside of the tongue that heralded, “Made in C...
90). More things I have learned By : Jan Michaels
Growing old does have one benefit ... experience. So, I am continuing here to share my vast pool of knowledge. Of course my girlfriend can't resist telling me I need to clean the pool, but heres the list anyway.
1. If you do anything that gets your hands wet, soapy or dirty, your nose WILL itch.
2. When you give your email...
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