31). Yanking my date through an Israeli security services lie detector… By : James Jones
I was on holiday in Blackpool when I picked up my first advice on finding love. While waiting for my sister to recover after her stomach churning rollercoaster ride, I stuck 20p into a Love-O-Meter outside a sports pub. After my coin clicked down the pegs, the fiberglass female’s face flashed and shook like the washer-dryer under my sink, before re...
32). I'll Get Up In Just A Minute By : R. Vener
Are you one of those people who wake up in the morning, fully refreshed and singing with happiness at the start of a bright new day?
Well, most of us aren't. And frankly, we'd rather those of you who are would knock off the racket. We're trying to get a little last minute sleep before staggering off to get our morning coffee.
33). JazzFest In New Orleans Kicks Off Without Jazz By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
The Jazzfest in New Orleans, intended to revive the sodden spirits of the land of legendary jazz greats, went off, oddly enough, with comparatively little jazz. There was, in conspicuous unlikelihood, Bruce Springsteen, who did manage a soulful rendition of When the Saints Go Marching In. Also on hand was the legendary jazz performer Elvis Costello...
34). Montana People: Weird In Their Own Special Way By : Jenny Harker
We have all heard tales of strange people living in Montana; the Unabomber, the freedom militias, the poor sods stuck in the Federal Witness Protection Program.
I assure you the majority of people living in Montana are friendly, polite, are reasonably sane, and will go out of their way to lend a hand to strangers.
Now, I a...
35). Birds of a Feather By : Deanna Mascle
Birds of a Feather
1. Which is not a group term for birds?
A. Flock
B. Flight
C. Volery
D. Swarm
D. Swarm
TBD: Various insects can collectively be called a swarm but not birds!
2. Which of these is a fear of birds?
A. Alektorophobia
B. Astraphobia
C. Ornithophobi...
36). Crime Prevention And Horse Sense By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
The city of New York has discovered that using horses to help police the city is a boon of such magnitude that it has decided to double the number of equine public servants in its stable.
It seems that an officer on a horse is not only more visible and imposing. He’s even more likable.
A horse is also wonderfully inexpensi...
37). Berlosconi Gets Plate of Spaghetti In Face By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Silvio Berlusconi, the media tycoon who became the outspoken, conservative Prime Minister of Italy, was recently handed an electoral plate of spaghetti in the face.
As you no doubt have read, he lost a narrow race to a left-of-center challenger, who the deep-pocketed Berlusconi outspent many times over. Although Berlusconi continues to...
38). A Revised History Of Pasta By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
While Marco Polo, a Venetian, is generally given credit for discovering noodles in China, recent research suggests that Italian pasta in all its glorious varieties was actually discovered in Rome nearly a century earlier, and quite by accident, by a remarkably unlikely epicurean named Julius Amplonius, with the able assistance of an invading barbar...
39). Chickens 101 - How Not to Raise Poultry By : Nola L. Kelsey
Chickens 101 - How Not to Raise Poultry
40). Reality Shows We'll (Hopefully) Never See By : Charlie Hatton
Just when it seems reality TV has hit rock bottom, a new and ever-more demeaning show emerges to set the bar even lower. Here are a few of the offerings that don't exist yet -- but just wait until the suits at FOX and UPN get wind of these ideas.
Ambush Boobjob:
In this exciting makeover extravaganza, we give...
41). Time To Bring Pete Rose Home By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Poor Pete Rose, the tireless slugger who the execs of the game kicked out because he was caught bet-handed. How many hears must the remorseful soul twist on the rack of their self-righteous protection of the reputation of the sport?
Is it not past time to have mercy on the once-mistaken Pete, The Gambler, and make a redemptive place fo...
42). Circus Clowns - Without Skill Laughter Turns Into Disaster By : kacycarr
We all love clowning around and playing the idiot bringing laughter to those around us but sometimes our antics seen as bit of fun can turn laughter into disaster. Circus Clowns are similar to that of the jester in many ways in how they entertained crowds of people with performances which included daft tricks and funny doings like face pulling even...
43). A Deep Look At Soap Operas By : Randall Ulbricht
You have got to love soap operas. From the intricate plots and finely woven webs of deceit, to the depths of schemes, they were, are and always will be classics. They are timeless. I wrote this article as my take on them back in 1970 when filling white space for our high school paper. Watch a few soap operas for the next few days and see for yourse...
44). Hillary Clinton To Become Republican By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Hillary Clinton, long famously popular among Democrats but obsessively excoriated by Republicans, has decided to turn the tables on her opponents by becoming one of them.
In an interview, Senator Clinton told us, “There’s an old political axiom that you never spend any time trying to get the votes you already have. So I decided I didn’...
45). A Page From Betty Crocker’s Cookbook By : God's Penman
Recently, while sitting in my chair drinking the last of my breakfast coffee, a thought staggered into my mind. I must confess most thoughts are quite lonely once they enter my mind, but this one had a nagging element to it.
Experience has taught me I should never give in to these strange trespassers. Every time I entertain any of them...
46). 8 Reasons Why You Should Email Me One Dollar By : Timothy Ward
Paypal has made it possible to quickly and easily send money over the Internet. This allows us to pay for all kinds of purchases with a lot less hassle. It also will allow you, everyone who reads this article, to send me, Timothy Ward, $1.00.
Being the cynics that you are, I know you're probably asking: "Why should I send you $1.00? I...
47). How I Feel About Pirates By : Charlie Hatton
Pirates are BAD because they steal booty from other people. The only people that should get to steal booty from other people is me. Also, I should get a pet parrot. And get to say, 'Arrrrr!' whenever I want.
Pirates are GOOD because when I do pretend I have a pet parrot, and I walk around saying, 'Arrrrr!...
48). TV Stars - Really? They Started on the Legit Stage By : Paul_Mroczka
TV Stars - Really? They Started on the Legit Stage
49). Gone Fishing For Trivia By : Deanna Mascle
1. We all know that fish travel in schools, but do you know some other plural fishey names?
A. Clutch
B. Shoal
C. Draft
D. Wave
E. All of the above
F. None of the above
G. B and C
G. B and C
TBD: It should have been wave though, don't you think?
2. Can you name the phobia tha...
50). The Blonde Joke's On Us: The Dumbest Woman On Earth Was Not A Blonde By : Dianne James
I've lived my entire adult life with "dumb blonde" jokes. Whoever started them, probably spawned by pornographers allured by Marylyn Monroe types (probably with dyed hair), should be locked up in a room with a hundred blonde professional women on a month-long sabbatical from bad bosses. Think he'd make it out alive? I think he (or she) definitely b...
51). Sweet Trap By : Kevin N
Last week, I came across a voice chat room, which was full of impressive nicknames. From the beginning, I started to notice an Asian female because of her appealing voice and her interesting way of telling love stories. “It must be a very cute girl”, I thought.
She was a talent storyteller. I kept wondering how she could master almost ...
52). Rush Limbaugh Humor: 2 Adult Beverage Recipes Any Dittohead Will Love By : Britt Gillette
During the course of his celebrated career, Rush Limbaugh invented the term "adult beverages" to refer to alcoholic drinks so as not to offend mothers with young children listening to the show. But no insight was given on where to find the best dittohead adult beverages. That's why I created The Dittohead's Guide to Adult Beverages, a political hum...
53). Man Loses Memory; Shows Up At Emergency Room By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
A frantic businessman rushed into the emergency room, threw his attaché case on the reception desk, and exclaimed, “Nurse, I need help!”
The noise woke her up, and she said, “What?”
“This is an emergency!” he said.
“You’ll have to take your place in line,” she informed him.
“What line?” he replied...
54). Rural Relocation – Considerations and Adjustments By : Nola L. Kelsey
So you’re thinking about going country? It’s time to abandon the frenzy of city life, drop the ‘G’ from the end of your verbs and trade your Gucci for goats. You long to be in a place where business is done on a handshake, where your backyard is bountiful and where folks welcome you with warm apple pie and a smile. You want the simple life.
...
55). The Headless Horseman Of Mass Media: Information Everywhere, Philosophy Nowhere By : Tom AtteaNewsLaugh.com
Did you ever notice that we’re surrounded by information but hardly ever come across an idea in the media that might help us lead sane and happy lives? Oh, not the usual self-help drivel about how to lose weight or enjoy sex, but answers to the really big questions, like what to think about when you wake up in the morning and how to drink water out...
56). The Good Old Days Are Gone By : Charlie Hatton
I yearn for a simpler time. Life in this modern age can be frustrating and scary, what with the global warming and the bad cholesterol and the high-definition reruns of 'The Nanny'. I long for a more peaceful existence, free from the complications of the twenty-first century lifestyle. I'm ready to re-adopt a few of our long-forgotten tradit...
57). Despite Hurricane Season, Weather Still Better Than On Moon By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
While last year’s hurricane season made people who reverberate with manifestations of climate change shake their heads at the thunderous weather, we must admit that, despite its destructive force, the weather remained significantly better than that to be found on our placidly windless neighbor, the moon.
Actually, having ascertained be...
58). Pope to Rule On Condoms And AIDS; May Consult People With Hands-On Experience By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Pope Benedict, taking an unexpected and courageous step, has asked for recommendations from fellow ecclesiastics about whether or not a couple, in which one member has AIDS, may use condoms for the prevention of disease.
We assume, however, for the greater glorification of the Church, that neither he nor his advisers are at the expert ...
59). 5 Reasons Why You Should Quit Your Day Job By : Timothy Ward
Most of us would stop working if we could. We constantly dream about it, but that's about as far as we get-dreaming. Working a 9-5 just seems inevitable. I, Timothy Ward, however am a master at defying the inevitable. I stare 'The Inevitable' in the face and call him dirty names. I say, if you want to stop working, STOP WORKING; I'll even give you ...
60). Rumsfeld Appoints Self Retired General; Rushes To Own Defense By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Donald Rumsfeld, under fire from a platoon of retired generals who have called for his resignation, went on the offensive by appointing himself a retired general.
Accompanied by a currently employed general, who, as the head of The Joint Chiefs Of Staff, is his usual sidekick, he stated, “As The Secretary of Defense, I think I should a...
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